


Blank Slate

by hoshikomitsuki



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, NSFW, Romance, Romantic Comedy, multi-chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-01 16:36:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20337769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoshikomitsuki/pseuds/hoshikomitsuki
Summary: This is a five chapter, NSFW, romantic comedy with some heaviness in the later chapters.Petra Ral suffers from a concussion on the battlefield, which leads to a serious case of amnesia. Seeing Captain Levi by her bedside upon waking up in the infirmary, she’s convinced that he is her husband! Can humanity’s strongest warrior resist the advances of his subordinate “wife” who is determined to find the spark that triggers memories of their past relationship?----Blank Slate was originally posted on my Tumblr for Rivetra Weekend August 2019 and it's the very first fic I've ever written!Shoutout to MAD Romaine for all of the help with editing!!!





	1. Threshold

The smell of antiseptic and cold metal swarmed the room. A petite woman with silky-straight copper-colored hair opened her eyes, finding herself nestled beneath scratchy white sheets, atop a small firm bed. 

“An infirmary? What happened to me?” she thought as she massaged her throbbing temples.

Through a blurry haze, she looked beside her bed to find a young man slightly hunched over sleeping in a rugged wooden chair. He had flawless pale skin and beautiful raven black hair. He was of short stature, but well-built.

“Oh, he’s so handsome... and how sweet of him to stay by my side,” she thought to herself blushing. “His presence is so comforting, and I feel like... like we’ve had a very close relationship.” She held her temple for a moment, remembering being carried by a man as if she were a bride. To her left she noticed a vase of white roses and a simple note on the table. “Get well soon, my love.“ The poor girl had no idea these gifts were left behind by a previous patient. The handsome man had just left them on the table, thinking they may bring her some comfort. The injured were constantly in and out of these beds and the facility was terribly understaffed; nurses rarely bothered to change sheets in between patients, let alone to clear nightstands!

She brought a rose to her delicate little nose. She closed her eyes and took in the lovely fragrance. “These flowers are beautiful. This was so thoughtful of him!” The young belle batted her eyes and contemplated for a moment. “I don’t remember his name, but surely this man must be my husband.”

She leaned over the edge of her bed and kissed the raven haired man on the cheek. He flinched and abruptly woke up. “Oi, Petra!! What the hell was that!?”

“Oh, um it was just to thank you for being so sweet and waiting by my side until I woke up... Petra? Ok, I don’t quite remember that but that sounds alright. What’s your name?” she said completely unphased by his uneasy disposition.

His face was completely stark and dead serious.

“We don’t have time for games, so get yourself together.”

“No really, I can’t remember! I know I must have had some type of injury, but I don’t recall what happened.”

“You idiot! You were almost killed! An aberrant titan came running towards the formation. You saved that brat from the relay team from becoming titan shit, but you and your horse ended up being punted over the formation... And the name’s Levi. I’m your captain, the one who rushed you in here a week ago.”

Petra reached deep into her psyche, attempting to grasp her memories of the event.

“… so I’m a soldier and you’re my captain? Well, it’s a little odd for us to be married and to be in the same unit, but thank you so much for protecting me… Oh, and what do you mean by titan? I’m sorry for causing so much trouble, Levi!”

“…you’re shitting me.”

“Are you still upset about my accident?”

“…”

“Well, what is it then, my sweet Levi?” she said with sparkling eyes.

He jerked his head back with a look of agonizing discomfort on his face as a woman with glasses and messy brown hair entered the room.

“Hello, m’am. What’s your name?” Petra questioned.  


Levi looked over at the woman. 

“It seems she’s lost her memory, Hanji.” He resisted the urge to call Hanji by a derogatory name so as not to confuse Petra. 

“But you do look familiar! And I figured out Levi is my husband.”

Hanji paused for a moment before letting out the cackle of a mad witch.

Levi looked at her as though he might legitimately kill his fellow comrade. Petra cocked her head, completely confused.

“Oh,” Hanji cleared her throat. “Excuse me. I’m Squad Leader Hanji. Levi, you and your ‘wife’ must need a few more minutes alone.” She walked out of the room, failing to hide her continuing laughter. 

“Um, what exactly was that about, Levi?”  
The captain would never admit it, but he had developed a soft spot for his subordinate as they worked together over the years. Levi always found her cute, but Petra believing they were husband and wife just made him even more vulnerable to giving in to her. Levi melted a little bit each time Petra said his name, his actual name and not captain. 

“I’ll tell you later. Let’s check with the doctor if you’re ready to go home,” he said in a cold and irritable tone.

Levi hated the infirmary. The floors always had some kind of questionable stains and he cringed at the thought of how much bacteria must be scattered about the building. 

Petra pelted Levi with a series of uncomfortable questions as they walked along the street. 

“So where exactly is this?” Petra questioned.

“We’re inside your home district, Wall Rose.”  
His statement didn’t help her understand her location in the least.

“Oh, gosh…” she gasped.

“What now?” 

“I’m so sorry, Levi…I can’t remember our children’s names. You must think I’m a terrible mother!” 

“No, I don’t and you’re not.”

“But I-”

“We don’t have children, Petra!” he yelled with extreme agitation. “…Shit, now she’s got me thinking ‘we’” he said to himself.

“Oh, alright then…Sorry”

Upon finally making it back to the barracks, Levi escorted Petra to her room. He gathered her neatly pressed uniform and a basket filled with soap and a towel. 

“Here, take all this with you. The showers are down the hall to the left and there’s a changing room next to them. I’ll wait here so you don’t get lost on your way out of the barracks.”

“Ok, thank you!”

Hot water streamed over her soft and well-toned body. Her rose fragranced soap washed away the smell of the hospital. The scent was sweet and refreshing, not unfamiliar to her. Though her head still throbbed, her much needed shower made her feel tremendously better. She looked at her clothes, a little uncertain how all these straps were supposed to fit about her body. She could probably have figured it out, but she thought to herself “I’m sure Levi knows how this all works,” as she strolled back to her room.

“Ok, Petra let’s get you b-“ Levi’s eyes widened. 

“Oi, what are you doing!? You were supposed to get dressed in the changing room!” he said angrily while feeling completely awkward. Petra stood before him in just a towel, exposing her doll-like limbs of lean muscle, and barely covering the rest of her body. “I’m sorry but I couldn’t quite figure this uniform out,” she replied timidly. “Look at all these straps! I’m sorry!” she proclaimed. 

“Fine, just at least get what you can on!” Petra dropped her towel to the floor and began to put her undergarments on. Levi clenched his jaw; He couldn’t help but allow himself a glimpse before his hands shielded his face and he turned to the side. Her petite body was composed of soft, feminine curves. Though bruised and covered with scratches and scrapes, her skin was a beautiful shade of alabaster which glistened in the sliver of sunshine sneaking into the room. Her full, perfectly rounded breasts and buttocks nearly made him salivate.

“What’s wrong? …do you not find me attractive because of all this bruising?” she said in nothing but a lacy white bra and matching panties, sitting at the edge of the bed.

He moved his hands and looked down at her, “No, damn it! It’s because I’m not your husband! I’m your captain!” 

“You already told me you were my captain. So… then are you my fiance?” she blushed.

“No, Petra!”

“What? Then why were you waiting by my bedside if you aren’t in love with me!? … Did you break up with me and feel guilty or something?” She looked like she would burst into tears at any moment. The girl was so infatuated with him the moment she woke up after her accident. Her feelings towards him were the ONLY thing she could be sure of. If he didn’t feel the same, her heart would be completely shattered.

Levi softened his face. “I’m sorry, no that’s not it. Just calm down,” he said remorsefully but still annoyed.

“Shit, what am I apologizing for??” he thought.

“I’m sorry I’m causing so much trouble for you,” she said sweetly.

“It’s fine. Here, this hooks around your waist, and your legs go through this loop. Just pull these straps to secure everything in place,” he gently tugged the fasteners until they were snug against her. “And this strap goes across your chest.” 

“Ok…”

“You can handle that.”

“Well, yes but I… um I’d rather have you take care of it.”

“No,” he clenched his jaw again ever so slightly, turning his head. Why was he so embarrassed? He was just a captain helping his confused subordinate. Why did he feel awkward? They had gotten in much more intimate positions during training and missions. This act of putting on equipment wasn’t sexual in the least!

“I didn’t think you were the shy type being a captain and all…” she said in a soft voice as she began to reach for the leather bands.

“Tch,” he scoffed and looked down at her breasts before grabbing the straps from her hands. He kept a completely straight face, not feeling as tense this time, although he was still flustered. He tried his absolute best to fasten them quickly without touching Petra’s chest. Just as he finished, she leaned forward to kiss him, pushing her bosom into his hands. How did she catch him so off guard!? What exactly was she doing to Levi? Her soft, luscious lips caressed his and the young woman flourished with ecstasy. He couldn’t help but reciprocate her loving gesture and let his hands slide up to her shoulders to pull her in closer. It felt like someone was squeezing his heart and butterflies had infested his stomach. His body tingled with a feeling that was completely new to him. Levi, you dog… What were you doing? It was their first kiss and she had no idea. Yet, neither party could really complain. Locking lips felt euphoric, like they were free from this hellish world and subsisted only in their own heaven. When their kiss ended, he looked at her with his deep blue eyes that lustered like sunlight reflecting from a lake. She looked back with her warm, doe-like eyes in absolute bliss. 

He closed his eyes for a moment to regain his composure. “Look we can’t do this.” She began to look hurt again and confused. “…in front of other people. It’s unprofessional,” he continued while turning his back to her. 

“Oh, right! Ok, ‘captain’,” she agreed and winked. 

“Are you feeling ok?”

“Yes, for the most part."

“Alright then, lets go. We’ll take things slowly.” Levi looked back at Petra. At least she sounded like her usual self when she said captain.


	2. Beginning Again

It was well past breakfast time, so they had the dining hall all to themselves. He sat a bowl of steel cut oats topped with strawberries, pecans, and cinnamon sugar in front of his amnesiac subordinate.

“Smells are supposed to help trigger your memory. This was one of your favorite meals.”

She drew a deep breath to indulge in the aroma before taking a bite. Every ingredient was pleasing to her senses, but their combination wasn’t familiar.

“Well?” he said as he sipped on his horrendously acidic black tea.

She caught a whiff of his bitter drink. 

“Um, you drink black tea a lot don’t you?”

“Hmm? Yes... at least you remembered something.”

“I’m sorry I don’t remember anything else yet. But thank you for making me breakfast; it’s delicious.”

Levi escorted Petra to the supply room where they approached three distinguished male soldiers who saluted with their hands over their hearts. Even the dim lighting of the room couldn’t hide its signs of age and wear. The space was cold and musty, with the scent of propellant lingering. 

“Alright, Petra can’t remember shit, so you’ll have to take it from here. Try to get her to remember her duties. She hasn’t fully recovered, so make sure she doesn’t get herself killed.” Levi walked away without further explanation.

“Uh, where is Levi— err, Captain Levi going?”

A tall blonde man with a pointed noise and small goatee spoke to her: “He’s got to go meet with the other squad leaders and the commander. You’re part of the captain’s special operations squad. I’m Eld Ginn, second in command, and these are your teammates.”

“I’m Gunther Shultz. I’m glad you’re ok, Petra,” a soldier with tanned skin and chestnut hair responded. 

Lastly, she looked at a fellow with sandy brown hair, cut in a similar fashion to the captain’s and deep set wrinkles. “The name’s Oluo.”

“It’s nice to meet all of you,” she greeted. Her heart raced. She nearly split open her skull picking through every inch of her cranium for the memories she had of these men, only to turn up empty-handed.

“So what exactly is our unit’s purpose?”

“We’re all A-list warriors, hand-picked by the captain. But I have the most titan kills, so don’t forget that I’m the best,” Oluo bragged.

“But there is more to being a soldier than titan kills,” Gunther challenged. 

“That’s right: there’s teamwork, wits, and a sense of duty. But above all else, we have to trust the captain and one another. Without that, we can’t function as a squad,” Eld agreed. “Our focus is exploration beyond the walls to study the titans. We don’t know where titans come from, or what their goal is. They’re not impossible to kill, but they are extremely dangerous. So we avoid combat as much as possible. The hope of the Survey Corps. is that we will one day know how to defeat the titans and expand humanity’s territory beyond these cramped walls.”

Petra pointed to a patch on her uniform. “I see. So this winged emblem represents our hope for freedom?” 

“Yes, you’re exactly right,” Gunther nodded.

“But um, I’m still not really sure what a titan is.” 

“Petra, you idiot! They’re the greatest enemy to man-kind! They’re giant human eating eyesores! How could you not remember?” Oluo shouted condescendingly. 

“Haha, well Petra maybe later you should ask Squad Leader Hanji. She knows more about titans than anybody,” Eld teased.

“That isn’t funny,” Gunther scolded.

“Alright guys, let’s get to work. We’ll start by reintroducing her to 3-D maneuvering gear,” Eld announced before heading outside.

Gas hissed as she flew through the trees. The sound of blades clanking within the steel boxes attached to her hips, the vibrations of the retracting grappling hooks, the blisters on her palms from clutching the hand grips— surely one of these sensations would serve as the triggering memento. The wind rushing in her face as she twisted through the air was liberating. She had clearly done this many, many times before. But déjà vu continued to tease her cruelly. She accepted that it would take time and today was only her first day, but how could she not feel discouraged? Petra was always a focused and determined individual. Though she was kind and forgiving, she was strict with herself. Her legs ached as the support straps pressed against her bruises. She struggled with physical and mental exhaustion of her endeavors.

“How is she doing?” Levi asked Eld.

“She seems to have retained her ability and skill set. She instinctively figured out how the use her maneuvering gear... She just doesn’t remember what anything is called or any of our expeditions,” he responded. Though Petra had looked at the device quite puzzled initially and she still had some minor injuries, the exceptional young woman took to it like a fish to water. At this rate, she could easily be back to her usual maneuvering skill level by the next expedition.

Levi entered the horse stables where he found Petra alone grooming her trusty steed. 

“Are you doing alright?”

“Oh, Levi. Yeah... I’m fine, but better now that you’re here,” she affirmed in a soft voice as she walked up to him, grabbing his hands. 

He hesitantly allowed this. “Is there anything you need more information on?”

“Eld, Gunther, Oluo... they’ve all really helped me today. I’ve learned a lot about this world and our duties in the Survey Corps. There is one thing though. I still don’t know exactly what a titan is, but Eld said Ms. Hanji could explain that to me better than they could. Do you know where she is?”

Levi snatched his hands from Petra and approached Eld, who just so happened to be walking by.

Petra couldn’t hear what they were saying, but saw them from a distance. Levi surged with anger and Eld was clearly terrified. After getting an earful, Eld nervously saluted his captain who stormed away in a cloud of fury.

“O-ok Petra, let’s get back to training. Captain said we should tell you about the titans ourselves! He said Hanji would overwhelm you. Haha...” he nervously laughed.

The rest of the squad made their way over to Petra and Eld. She said absolutely nothing in response to Eld. She peered at Levi as he walked away. 

“He’s so kind, and he’s such a good leader. Isn’t he?” she gushed.

The squad looked at her all expressing disbelief before bursting out in laughter.

“Why does everyone keep laughing at me?! I’m trying my best!” 

Oluo made yet another irritating comment “Petra, you must have really banged up your head out there. You don’t remember how much you wanted to be my wife yet, do you?”

“NO, because I never did. That much I CAN remember!”

“Tch, whatever,” Oluo pranced away.

“Is he always this annoying?” she asked Eld, with hope that the answer would be no.

“You shouldn’t say that about your squad mate... but unfortunately, yes. This is how he is.” 

Eld thought to himself “Some things just never change...”

Even though she was praised for the progress she made, Petra still felt embarrassed throughout the day as she struggled to perform basic functions and lacked basic knowledge.

Levi entered the meeting room to find only Hanji. The wooden chair screeched as Levi pulled it from the table. His brunette, crazy comrade peered at him through her spectacles.

“So hubby, how’s married life?”

“Shut up, glasses.” 

“Ooo, touchy. Not well I guess,” she chortled.

He looked down with his brows furrowed “She really doesn’t remember anything.”

Hanji looked over at Levi, feeling guilty upon noticing how concerned he really was. 

“I’m sure she will. She’s a bright young lady,” Hanji affirmed.

Levi continued to stare at the floor, as though his eyes might bore a hole into it. 

A set of strong eyebrows entered the room followed by a set of broad, dominating shoulders. His face was stern but he looked like a man you could easily trust.

“Constipated again Erwin? Or were you shaving your unibrow?”

Commander Erwin chuckled. “Ah, no but thanks for the concern, Levi.”

Squad Leader Mike, a rugged man of absurdly large stature, sat to join them. He didn’t humor poor Levi with a response. 

Erwin began to explain “Our next expedition will take place in three weeks. The goal is to pick up where we left off last month and further build upon our resupply units. The Garrison have reported sightings of the same group of aberrant titans we encountered last time. At noon on most days they’ve been spotted at three kilometers from the wall and remain unseen until dusk at four kilometers away.”

“They must be more active at noon, when the sun is brightest. They’d be easy to capture since they’re so close to the walls!” Hanji squealed with excitement.

“We’ll need all of our strongest soldiers, given the extra challenge these titans presented last time. Every veteran scout will join us for this expedition. We can’t afford to leave such a large cut of our supplies unsecured out there.”

Levi scowled at Erwin. “You mean all but one.”

“We can’t afford to leave any of them behind.”

“This was Petra’s first day of training, and you’re planning to send her on an expedition before she’s even fully recovered?” Levi sounded as fierce as he did on the battlefield.

The commander replied with a stern “Yes.” 

“Shouldn’t a wounded soldier stay off the battle field?” Levi chided.

“She’ll be fully recovered by the date of the expedition. Leave it at that,” Erwin asserted.

“Tch” was all Levi said in response, but Erwin knew exactly what he was thinking: “You heartless bastard. We’re all expendable, but can’t you see someone as human just once?” Levi tightened his fists and clenched his mandible as though he would bite through his own teeth.


	3. Sleep

Petra remained trapped in a disillusioned fog as she completed the first week of training. It was to her, the first week of her life. But Petra was never one to wallow in self pity. She began to enjoy the company of her teammates and other fellow soldiers. Her daily duties of physical activity, textbook learning, and cleaning felt enjoyable and meaningful. But there was just no getting around it. Petra just still wasn’t herself. The girl who usually hung on your every word was obsequious. How could you blame her? Whether the conversation topic was titan physiology, expedition tactics, or just gossip, she still didn’t know what anyone was saying half of the time. Petra knew she had a fulfilling life and was surrounded by people who cared about her. It was infuriating to have her life stolen from her and the burden of uncertainty grew heavier with each day.

Levi was her reprieve. Petra cherished every moment and interaction with her sweet Levi. They were not romantic without her initiation and he always seemed hesitant, but it didn’t matter. Anytime they were together she felt like she knew exactly who she was. The captain’s copper-haired subordinate took pride in fixing his tea every morning and enjoyed pressing his uniform. It was easy to see from the start that he was a man with high standards. For this reason, his trust in her to perform these tasks that seemed trivial meant so much to her.

To celebrate her “first” week back with the squad, Eld, Gunther, and Oluo treated her to “a” drink at their favorite bar. A strawberry julep rested before Petra atop a dark, glossy wooden counter. She knew she’d be grateful later that these stools had backings, even if they weren’t particularly comfortable. She knew exactly which drink was her favorite as well as her comrades’ favorites. It wasn’t much, but no victory was too small to celebrate! Between the physical exertion of training and recovery, alcohol was the last thing her body needed. But she deserved a reward for her hard work, to let loose.

“Do you know what happened the first time you saw a titan?” Gunther said with a face far more serious than one should have after four gin and tonics.

“No! I still don’t even know what they look like! You did a terrible job of explaining that to me!” Petra giggled as she took another sip of her strawberry julep.

“How sad, Petra. You pissed your pants and we nearly had to cancel the mission,” Oluo laughed.

“WHAT!? NO WAY!”

Eld chuckled and replied “Yeah! But you really proved your self later on. Oh yeah, and Oluo pissed himself too!”

Oluo insisted “Tch, you must have hit your head also, Eld!” 

“Luckily we managed to clean you two up before the captain noticed,” Gunther snickered.

“Do you remember the time you broke Oluo’s nose?” said Eld.

“Shut up!” Oluo exclaimed.

“Oh my gosh, I don’t! But I’m sure he must have done something to deserve it!”

Eld put his hand on Petra’s back, “Haha! That’s it! Now you’re starting to sound like yourself, Petra!”

Petra enjoyed every moment of their evening out. She finally felt like she was with people she could truly claim as her friends. Her mostly sober comrades headed back to their respective rooms. Petra, however, was far from sober. The drunken belle was hoping for the perfect ending to her night of fun and started creeping towards Levi’s office. Watch out, captain!

“Do you not remember where your room is?” Levi said from behind her.

Petra nearly jumped out of her skin. 

“Oh, hi Levi! Um... I just needed to get some fresh air. I’m headed back now.”

“Alright then. Good night,” he started walking past her.

“Levi?” 

“What is it?”

“...will you come to bed with me? I feel like I’ve barely seen you.” 

“No, I have work to do,” he kept walking.

“Oh, ok. I can just wait for you then. I have plenty to review what I learned this week.” 

“Just go to bed... You had a long day.” 

“... ok,” she walked up to him and hugged him from behind sensually. He stopped and dropped his arms beside him, well aware she had been drinking. “Can I have a kiss goodnight?” she wistfully whispered. 

“No.” 

“Why not!!!!?”

“I don’t have time for this,” he said becoming increasingly irritated.

Petra held him so closely to her heart, but felt more and more like Levi was slipping away. She was determined to get his attention... She knew he cared for her. She utilized her liquid courage to give him what she thought was the push he needed.  
“Levi, are you avoiding me!?“ She was already tearing up.

“What?,” his shoulders tensed up as he gazed at her. Why did he feel so guilty every time he rejected her advances? Why was he so easily persuaded by Petra lately? Why was he still so pissed about Erwin’s earlier decision!? He truly didn’t have time to process all of this. Realizing it was going to be easier to just kiss her than to travel down this path, he turned around. Humanity’s strongest warrior once again heeded to his “wife’s” desire and gave her a flighty peck on the lips.

“Good night, Petra,” he said still sounding bothered.

“Good night sweet Levi,” she said with satisfaction, trailing back to her bedroom happily. 

She tortured herself for about an hour, flipping through the standard issue Survey Corps. textbooks. It wasn’t that she didn’t have the brains or the interest, the information was just dreadfully tiresome to look through and the pages continued to spin in front of her. She eventually decided enough was enough and crawled in bed, reflecting upon her week of memories. It was frightening to see so many faces and voices that claimed to be familiar, but she still found their hospitality comforting in a way. Her mind eventually set her free of her concerns and allowed her to rest.

Levi gently cracked open the door to check on her later that evening. He couldn’t help but find her cute as she snoozed. As Petra stirred he quickly, but stealthily, closed the door. He heard the bed creak and the subtle sound of her footsteps. 

“Levi? You’re still not coming to bed?”

“...No, I’m not.” 

“Well if you have more work to do, don’t you think you should take a break? It’s after midnight.” He clenched his jaw. She continued to pry “What is wrong with you? Just come to sleep already. I promise I feel completely reconnected to you, even if I don’t remember all the details of our relationship.” He allowed her to pull him into the bedroom with her gentle tug.

“...” he stood before her looking completely uncertain of how to respond to the whole situation. She was dressed in silky yellow pajamas that left little to the imagination. Just from the touch of her hand and the sight of her skin, he remembered how hard it was to resist her beautiful body. That constant look of yearning in her eyes made him weak to his knees each time they were alone. “Shit, this is fucking ridiculous” was all he could really say to himself. 

She put her arms around him and planted a kiss on his supple lips. He was humanity’s strongest warrior; he had slaughtered hundreds of titans and repeatedly powered through impossible situations; he was a former thug who didn’t take shit from anybody... But here he was, completely at the mercy of his adorable subordinate who was several years younger than him. It was a complicated situation. He cared for her deeply; he couldn’t deny his attraction to the young lady. And now she was about to chisel away all the ice surrounding his heart. It was completely taboo! That alone should be enough to overrule any of his personal feelings! He always suspected she was attracted to him before her amnesia. With the way she’d been acting since her, injury it seemed that his suspicion was completely accurate.

His thoughts continued to race. “How would she feel if her old memories return?” He eagerly wrapped his arms around her. “I want her so badly.” He wove one hand into the hair on the back of her head. “Should I take this opportunity or pass it by... what will I regret less?” Levi’s lips caressed hers, again and again and again, like he could never get enough.

“He’s so passionate... He seems so much more comfortable this time,” she thought smiling inside. She reached up to his collar and started to unbutton his shirt. She slid her hands down his washboard abs then back up to his neck, completely taken by his statuesque physique. She gently told him: “You’re so handsome, Levi.” He said nothing and continued kissing her. “Shit, what else am I going to do to her!?”

She playfully broke free to move back to the bed and asked him to join her. She patiently waited, snuggled under the sheets. Yielding to her desires, and now admittedly his own, he sat on the edge of the mattress to take off his pants and shirt, simply because they weren’t clean enough to be worn in bed. “I still have so much bruising...I hope he won’t notice.” Levi lifted up the covers to see that Petra had completely taken off all of her clothes! He clenched his jaw for what felt like the five hundredth time in the last week. Although Levi was well aware of the effects amnesia and alcohol can have on a person’s mood and energy he NEVER expected this behavior. “What the hell happened to shy, demure little Petra!? Is this what she’s been wanting to do with me all these years? Or is she just trying to force things because she mistook me for her lover?” he wrestled with his thoughts before she pressed her torso against his. 

The captain felt his heart twist as butterflies once again engulfed his stomach. He fluxed, completely under her control as he felt her arms around his neck. Again, it’s not that he couldn’t have stopped himself. He was just tired of holding back; this time he had no will to do so. For once, he just wanted to give in to his pedestrian desires: for Petra, for her love and to show her love, for him to comfort her, for sex, and for their debauchery of a relationship.  
Their tongues intertwined and danced. Petra melted as Levi put his hands in her copper locks once more. “I finally have him right where I want him...” She was so full of excitement, her chest might just break open. She fell for him faster and faster by the minute. Levi writhed with excitement, his hands against her body felt like heroin. 

Petra gently fell onto her back as Levi laid by her side. She curled her toes, feeling the sensation of her “lover” nibble on her earlobe and kiss her neck. Her breath drew heavier as she ran her fingers through his jet black tresses. Levi stayed silent and kept his breathing steady as he moved his mouth downward. His tongue was a slippery, wet sidewinder that slithered over her chest, circling and biting her sultry desert rocks. Levi’s hand slid up her inner thigh and delved between her legs. Petra gasped in a lustful trance. His deep blue eyes gazed in to her warm amber eyes. Petra was in a state of absolute elation and Levi couldn’t help but smile, kissing her lips one last time before moving below her waist. “It’s my turn to tease you,” he thought to himself. His fingers grazed her womanhood. His mouth was so close, she could feel his every breath. Like a slow and steady piston, he moved his fingers in and out of her. Petra’s pelvis followed his every motion in an attempt to further her pleasure.  
She was ready; he could have her any moment. The captain‘s tongue slowly explored and compassed the apex of her valley. As he pursed his lips, she squirmed almost unable to handle the intensity. She cried out, overwhelmed by her pleasure “ungh, Levi!” He continued to drive his fingers inside her with the finesse one would expect, but a gentleness no one had felt before. He kissed along her stomach, her chest, and her lips once more. Petra let out a moan as her soft, delicate hand slipped down to his waist. The palm of her hand rubbed against his manhood, sending a shiver down his spine. Feeling himself becoming more and more stimulated, Levi pins her wrist to the bed before she makes it inside his underwear. He wanted to please her. She always did so much for him. She was there at his every beck and call. Levi knew Petra wouldn’t want their first time to happen like this. It wouldn’t be fair for him to let her do that, so he kept holding her wrist. 

Petra took loud, fast breaths. Her thighs tingled as she felt more and more light-headed from every lick, every caress. Her entire body was completely drenched with sweat. Levi’s insistent rubbing turned Petra’s moans into squeaks as her legs quivered uncontrollably. She shut her eyes to further indulge in the pleasure he graced her with as her fingers pulled the roots of his jet-black hair. She cried out one last time “Ungh! OH, Levi!” before he sent her over the edge. 

“Uh... ungh...” She continued panting, her eyes closed, still paralyzed in her state of pleasure. Petra’s face turned red from embarrassment. His passion had taken her by surprise and she wished she had better contained her excitement. After a few more pants, she reconstituted and looked at Levi with her bedroom eyes, eager to return the favor. Her hand just barely made its way inside his waistband before he snatched her wrist. “I’m tired,” he lied.

“You don’t seem tired at all...” she said still out of breath. “and you weren’t too tired to go back to working before...” she whispered seductively as she kissed him on the neck. Her hands grazed his stomach. “I’m not drunk, if that’s what you’re worried about, sweet Levi.” She couldn’t keep her lips off him.

“We aren’t doing this,” he was more convincing this time, but folded when she once again looked hurt by his reaction. “We just... haven’t been together that long.”

“Oh no...,” she said sounding extremely remorseful. “I’m so sorry, Levi. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” She looked at him with apologetic eyes. “You’ve been so kind to me this whole time and you’re just so handsome... Please forgive me. I won’t do it again.” She kissed him on the cheek innocently.

He knew Petra was a loving person, but this was too much. She was so sweet he was getting cavities!

“It’s fine. Just put your clothes back on and go to sleep.” 

She slipped into her yellow pajamas while he got up to blow out the candles illuminating the room. Levi didn’t actually intend to get back in her bed, but he somehow found himself lying in it with her head rested against his chest. Her sweet scent danced around him as he felt the warmth of her heart. Levi held her tightly and gave her a loving kiss on the forehead. “Good night, Petra.” Her heart fluttered, feeling so comforted by his presence. “Good night, sweet Levi,” she said as she nuzzled against him. He rested his hand on the back of her head while contemplating “...why do I keep doing this?” before a wave of tiredness soon knocked him out.


	4. Suedehead

Petra woke up to find her bed empty. “I’m starting to see why we aren’t married,” she said to herself. “He so skittish... Maybe he really doesn’t want to be with me.”

Petra had the hang of dressing herself more quickly each day, though she would certainly still have welcomed Levi’s assistance. Her stomach growled as she caught a whiff of something delcious coming from the dining hall. 

"Good morning, Petra," Gunther greeted. "Help yourself to a biscuit." 

She took a seat at the table, feeling a little soreness from her night of fun. 

"Good morning everyone! These look great, thank you!" She bit the flaky crust of the biscuit, sinking her teeth into the fluffy center.

"So my fiancée and I are three months away from our wedding date! I can't believe how lucky I am!" Eld raved.

"Ah, I can't believe it either. You two have been together since you were just teenagers, huh?" Gunther responded.

"Yeah, it's still sinking in! I must have done something right for her to put up with me all these years! Oh Petra, that reminds me. Linnea wants you to be a bridesmaid regardless of what you remember about your friendship. Are you ok with that?"

"Yes! Of course, Eld. I would be happy to! Um... do you know if there's anyone else in the Survey Corps. getting married?

"Ha ha, and just who were you hoping to marry?" Oluo queried.

"That's not what I asked at all! I just want to know if I'm going to be in anyone else's wedding!"

Did this mean, her comrades didn't pick up on her feelings for Levi, or were they simply keeping their mouths shut? Petra’s eyes scanned the room in search of the man she really did want to marry, but to no avail. She found herself perpetually wondering where he was over the next few days. In fact, she hadn’t gotten to spend even a single moment alone with Levi since their night together! Every time she went to his office he would be elsewhere, or Hanji would be in his company. Levi didn’t stop by her room to see how she was doing or even check on her at all after drills. 

Anytime Petra began to miss her sweet Levi, she would daydream of their special times together. Her heart throbbed at the thought of his sensual touch and her hands running along his suede-like undercut. These recollections never failed to make her feel close to her captain again. Curiously though, her pleasant musings were often interrupted by a whopping pain along her temples and the back of her head. Each time this happened, she was struck by anxiety and doubt about their relationship. It had interfiered with training several times, but not to a noticeable detriment.

After a week without any time in privacy, Levi took a moment to speak to Petra in confidence prior to her morning exercise.

"Hi Levi," she leaned in to embrace him.

He jerked away. “Oi, this isn't the time for that! You’re due for your checkup at the infirmary.”

“Oh, ok right. When are we going?”

“YOU’RE going now. I don’t have any more time to spend with you in that filthy place. I have to make up the week of work I wasted waiting for you to wake up.”

“Oh... alright then. I understand." Ouch! His tone was so harsh, she almost wished he hadn't even spoken to her.

"Hi Petra!" Hanji approached. 

"Oh, hi," Petra said almost inaudibly. 

"I hope everything goes well with the doctor. Sorry Levi and I can't go with you, but we have to discuss tomorrow’s expedition with Erwin and Mike!"

Petra felt uneasy as the two of them walked away together.

The infirmary was even more dreadful than she recalled. Petra choked on the familiar smell of cold metal and antiseptic. She looked at all the empty beds with trinkets next to them. How many of her comrades had died here? How many times did she have to be admitted to this hellhole? 

A rotund man who looked just as sickly as all of his patients entered the room.

“Hi Ms. Ral! You probably don't remember, but I'm Dr. Fischer. How are you feeling?

“Hi Dr. Fischer...uh, ok I guess.”

“Oh? What's wrong?

"Well, I'm still getting headaches and I can't remember anything from before the titan attacked me."

"I’m sorry to hear that. Where’s your husband today?” 

“My husband? He didn’t come with me... and he’s not actually my husband.”

“Well, he ought to be. He barely left your side while you were here!” Dr. Fischer found Levi’s watch over Petra incredibly endearing. Warrior or not, the look of concern on his face during her coma showed his soft side.

“It’s not like that! Ok!?” she yelled. 

After the way he spoke to her today, and how he made no effort to see her this week, she was confident in this statement. “Yeah... it’s not like that at all. Maybe it never was,” she deduced. 

Petra reported back to Levi, shaking.

“What did the doctor say?”

“Well um, I keep getting these headaches and my reaction time is still a little delayed. And he also said it might be a few more days, weeks, or even months before I get my memory back. But he also said...," she continued to anxiously babble.

"If you're going to keep rambling, just give me that damn report."

Petra handed over the doctor's chart of her progress and test results.

Levi looked over the notes looking irritated. "Tch, well just don't put yourself in unnecessary danger tomorrow. I can't save you from being titan shit every time," he said before walking away.

Petra took Levi's words to heart. It didn't seem fair for her to go on a mission so soon after her recovery, let alone one this treacherous. 

"If I die tomorrow... I’ll have missed my only chance to find out how he really feels about me..." Petra noticed Hanji and her squad members stroll by. 

“Excuse me, Ms. Hanji!” Petra exclaimed. "This might be it... she might be able to tell me," Petra thought to herself.

“Ah, hi Petra! How did everything go with Dr. Fischer?”

“It's kind of complicated, but I got the ok to go on the expedition tomorrow."

"I knew you'd bounce back! You've always impressed me with you dedication and aptitude!" 

"T-thank you! That's so kind of you! Um, I have a question if you can spare me some of your time, Ms. Hanji.”

“Of course. What is it?”

“Um, I’ve been trying to figure it out on my own. I thought I knew, but now I’m not so sure... Captain Levi, how does he really feel about me?”

“Oh?" Hanji looked surprised. "Well Petra, you impressed him enough to make the cut for his squad. He’s stubborn and doesn’t like to talk about his feelings, but you can tell he cares about you, right?”

“Well, I think so... but how can I be sure?”

“Hah, I’ve known him a long time. When it comes to Levi, his actions speak louder than his words.”

Petra's chin quivered. “Levi and I... what happened between us before my accident?”

“Haha... Petra, that’s a question only Levi can answer.”

She looked at the ground a little miffed that she didn’t get the answers she was looking for.

Petra’s boots softly tapped the stones making up the hallway floor later that evening. She stood before Levi’s office, having finally worked up the courage to confront him. She overheard Hanji and Levi speaking before knocking on the door. 

“Damn it, why has he been spending so much time with Hanji lately?” she thought to herself.

“Petra asked about you today... She still thinks you might have feelings for her, Levi” Hanji disclosed.

“Yeah, she's been acting like I'm her lover this whole time,” Levi admitted.

“It's sad; With being around us so much, you'd think she would have figured it out by now."

"Us?" Petra thought to herself. Oh no, this was total hell. “It all makes sense now... Levi and Hanji...” she lowered her fist. “That’s why she was at the infirmary when I woke up. That’s why she laughed when I said Levi was my husband!” Petra’s blood ran cold and her mind flashed back to the gifts left on the bedsides of patients' during her visit earlier in the day. “Those roses... that note... none of it was from Levi! And... that's why he made sure Eld would keep me from taking to Hanji... God, I was stupid enough to ask her what Levi thought of me today!”

She ran back to her room, hoping nobody would see or hear her bawling. She locked the door behind her and sank to the floor, gritting her teeth. “Now I know why he has been so hesitant every time I’ve tried to show affection. He must have wanted to break things off with me a long time ago!" she was hysterical. "Hah, HA HA. How stupid could I be!? Of course he wouldn’t be interested in me... He’s a captain! Of course he would be with someone on his own level!" Her face was bright red, like a child crying from a fall. "I guess I really didn’t remember anything after all," she said hyperventilating. "But at least I managed to figure out one thing... how stupid I am! At least I managed to figure out SOMETHING,” she whimpered before continuing to sob uncontrollably. Her eyes stung with every teardrop, and her head ached with each breath she drew.

“So, what are you going to do Levi? Don't tell me you don't think she's cute! And now she’s already made a move on you,” Hanji prodded.

His eyes pierced Hanji’s “You been spying on us?”

“Oh please, it’s written all over your face! I didn’t need to see you two to know.”

“Tch, you need to clean the shit off your glasses.”

“Damn it,” Levi's head hung in his hands once he was alone. What was he going to do? He had no idea how things would play out. There was no taking back what had already happened. He didn’t want to go back to being captain and assistant. He wanted to hold Petra and kiss her more than ever, fearful for her life. He truly did want to tell her how special she is to him, but how could he do that? Levi was a moth to Petra's flame. He thought of their intimate evening together, having her right where he wanted her and not letting her go. His desire was overwhelmingly shameful to him. He’d never felt as close to someone as he did that night with Petra. Before their intimate encounter, he really didn’t intent to lead her on anymore. Situationism made a fool out of him, and for this moment of weakness he paid the heavy price of emotional baggage.

Petra felt like someone was squeezing her skull. How much more could she stand? Wasn't there some way she could get back to being herself? She rummaged around her room looking for clues when she came across a leather-bound diary. Like a drowning victim spotting a rescue ship, her eyes lit up with hope. The diary had been discretely hidden behind several textbooks and folded maps. Her delicate hands manically flipped through the off-white unlined pages. The entries were so foreign to her, it was like she was reading a stranger's diary. Petra studied each page carefully, trying hard to unlock her memories of each entry as she sat on her bed. Her father’s last birthday, catching up with her friends during time off-duty, a day spent-revisitng her favorite picnic spot, none of it rang a bell.

Nearly every page of her diary mentioned Captain Levi, no EVERY page mentioned him! She read of him selecting her as his personal assistant, fighting titans as a duo, cleaning together, and their afternoons relaxing and drinking tea. There were hints and intimate moments the two shared, but nothing that could really prove they had an established relationship. 

Every happy memory was tainted by melancholia, like a terminal patient celebrating a birthday. Completely drained from the fatigue of grief, she was subjected to the mercy of the sandman as her tender heart continued to ache. Their relationship was over before it even began.


	5. Amnesia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this last chapter took me so long to post. I wasn't really satisfied with some of the verbiage in my original version, so I wanted to take my time rewriting it. 
> 
> Thank you for reading all the way to the end!

Petra overslept, exhausted from the emotional assault of last night and her crying spell that lapsed into early morning.

"Oi, Petra!" she was abruptly awakened. 

"Oh gosh, captain can't see me like this!"

Her door opened and Oluo stood before her. She had never been happier to see him!

"We're leaving for the expedition in an hour! Are you planning on getting up today?"

"Oluo! Um, y-yes... give me just a few minutes!"

Petra was absolutely nowhere near ready for an expedition, let alone one this hazardous. Drained of all her energy and traumatized from her evening of despondence, she trembled like a beaten dog as she readied herself. 

Sitting atop her horse before the gate of Wall Rose, she thought to herself "My body may have survived the blow of that titan, but it still took my life! If I truly died this time, would it really be such a bad thing?" 

"There's no getting my old life back. Even if my memories return, so much has happened between Captain Levi and me... I’m so ashamed to feel the way I do for him.” Her eyes stung as these painful thoughts continued racing through her mind. “I would sacrifice anything for my captain. I will not break this oath of dedication to him... But, how can we keep going forward when I can’t even manage to look at him?" 

Her face felt flush and she began to panic. "What if I'm discharged from the Survey Corps.? I didn't know what I was doing was so wrong. Surely they would understand? It wasn’t my decision to start my life over. I had no choice but to write on the blank slate that was forced up me. But now, what could I possibly do to erase my mistakes?"

Petra clenched the rough leather reigns of her trusty steed. The familiarity of his presence somewhat soothed her nerves, but she continued to shake. 

"Gate opening in thirty seconds!" Commander Erwin announced. 

On most expeditions, Petra and Levi would engage in combat as a duo to defend the font line of their squad while Gunther, Eld, and Oluo would protect the sides and rear. Levi had at least convinced Erwin to task Petra with relaying signals for their section of the formation to keep her out of combat as much as possible.

A gust of wind rushed through the young soldier’s copper hair as she charged beyond the confines of the walls. The horizon seemed to go for miles, no stone cage in sight. Petra admired the shining sun as sense of deserved liberation cascaded through-out her body. Levi kept nonchalantly looking back at Petra, though inside he was struck with concern for her safety.

It wasn't long after their journey began that Petra jumped as she heard "BOOM." She witnessed red smoke in the sky. 

"It's just a signal flare, Petra. Go ahead and relay the next one." 

"Y-yes, captain!" She tightened her grip and galloped along, barely keeping herself together. 

"Red... a normal titan was spotted..." Fighting the tremor of her hands, she reached into her satchel for the flare gun and fired a round, dashing toward the squad on their left. 

"Damn it, I don't know how I'm supposed to do this! I can't focus or stop shaking!" 

She fired a green flare as the formation changed direction moments later. 

"But I don't see any titans yet. I guess that's a good thing," she thought to herself.

The cycle of signal relays and switching their charge forward repeated a half dozen times. 

"So we've spotted at least six titans then?" she inquired. As far as Petra could tell, nobody had to engage in combat. 

"Yes, which is pretty lucky really. It’s been a quiet ride," Eld affirmed. 

The Survey Corps. were estimated to arrive at their resupply point in just half an hour. 

"It's too bad you won't get to see me my titan killing abilities this time, Petra," Oluo added. 

"Oi, don't get comfortable! Something could happen at any moment. Survival is never a guarantee," the captain reminded his subordinates.

A black cloud of smoke circled the sky.

"No, why now!? We were so close to safety," Petra wailed internally. Before she could proceed to fire, she felt the ground shaking. Her eyes widened as she gasped.

"T-that... that's a titan!?" It wasn't just a titan, it was the 15-meter aberrant responsible for the recent weeks of hell she had to endure! A group of alarmingly fast seven-meter titans came charging with it towards the formation at 11 o'clock.

“Shit,” Levi mumbled under his breath. "Petra, fire the signal and fall back! I'll take down the aberrant! Gunther, Eld, Oluo- you handle any the others!" he ordered. 

"Yes, sir!" everyone shouted in unison. 

Surrounded by the sound of galloping horses and the enemy's shriek, dusky smoke flew up from her hand. Wincing as dark and bitter soot singed her eyes and nostrils, a jolt of electricity ran through her body.

"C-captain... where are you going? We're supposed to do this together!" she cried out.

Light bounced from Levi's blades into her eyes as he charged towards the beast on his horse. 

"You won't get away this time, you bastard."

Treebark snapped as the hooks of Levi's 3-D maneuvering gear latched into it’s trunk. Swinging around the neck of a smaller titan, he gained enough momentum to exterminate the nuisance of a creature. The captain effortlessly flew back to a the tree to prepare for his next target, the 15-meter titan. Seconds away from darting through the air towards the abomination, he noticed Petra was missing from her position and began frantically looking for her. 

"Petra!?" he yelled. 

"Do you really think you have a chance against me!?" Oluo cried in the distance as his retracting cables snapped like a whip. One clean cut to the nape obliterated his seven-meter target.

Gunther and Eld were finishing off the last two with an impressive acrobat-like coordinated attack. 

Petra’s muscles wobbled like gelatin. Her head felt as if it were on fire as she broke in to a sweat. A contorted, crawling titan battered toward her just a quarter kilometer from the formation. With it's speed and size it would kill her in seconds, and all of her squamates had yet to return to her side.

"This... is how I die?"

The revolting smell of blood and burning, dissolving flesh, the cry of her comrades, a piercing fear for her life— how could she have forgotten such horrifying things!? Through her burning eyes, she saw her life flash before her like a bolt of lightening striking the sky on a moonless night. As the memories of their last expedition rushed back to her, it was as though her life unpaused.

Levi's blades cut through his target’s nape like a knife through worn leather as he frantically bolted towards Petra, calling her name. She charged towards the approaching titan, fearless and completely in control.

"I'll fight until my last breath!" 

Her grappling hooks dug in to the ground as she circled around the titan, barely evading it's lunging bite. She severed it's hind leg, buying her a few seconds to strike the nape. Everyone heard her cry "Haaaaaa!" The wind rushing into her face, taking away her breath, the softness of her hair tickling her cheeks, and the adrenaline pulsing through her veins— she had experienced this dozens of times.

"I won't die here! I refuse!" She propelled into the air and clumsily lacerated the beast's neck. It was a botched attack, but it was enough to take it out.

All members of the special operations squad made their way back to the formation sweating and panting. 

"Petra, what the fuck was that!?" Levi was furious. 

"Captain, I-" 

Oluo retorted "Captain, we were nearly overwhelmed. If that titan had gotten any closer—"

"I fucking told her to stay back. YOU three were supposed to handle any approaching titans. Are you all no longer competent enough to follow orders?" Levi countered.

"Captain, we had her back if she didn't get it!" Eld shouted.

"Horse shit, you did! All of you shut the hell up and just stay focused on getting to the resupply point ALIVE."

"Yes captain... I’m sorry," Petra said remorsefully. 

"I'll deal with your insubordination later."

Upon their arrival to the resupply point, Petra mumbled to herself "Damn it... What else am going to do to make Captain Levi hate me? I can’t believe this..." She sunk to the floor woefully, fatigued physically as much as emotionally .

"Don't take it too personally. He's just been worried about you," Gunther reassured her.

"How can I not take it personally? He's lost his faith in me. How are we going to act as a team again if I don't push myself? If we don't trust each other?" she confided.

Oluo added "Eh, it's just going to take time.” 

“It’s alright, Petra. Don't feel pressured to prove yourself to us," Eld said.

When the Survey Corps returned to the safety of the walls after her "first" expedition, Petra's heart sank. It was her first opportunity to reflect upon all the embarrassing and inappropriate things she'd done since she woke up in the infirmary. 

“Oh, captain you could have just told me! Why did you keep leading me on like that!?” she said to herself. She massaged her thumping head with her fingertips while cringing and feeling trapped in the thoughts of her advances and emotional transparency with Levi. She loved him so much; it made her sick. If there really could be something more between them than a professional relationship, how on earth would she break the ice now? She considered the times he reciprocated her gestures, or even made his own moves, but couldn't fight the dread of her next interaction with Levi. "He must be so disgusted with me."

Levi ordered her to come to his office once she had a chance to get settled back into the barracks. She meekly stepped through the doorway into a painstakingly organized room. She stood before his desk, unable to look him in the eyes.

"If it were up to me you wouldn’t have gone on the expedition, but that was Erwin’s decision. You’re gifted, but your injury was severe. You pushed yourself further today than you should have... You can't do that again, Petra. That's an order." 

He was undoubtedly upset, but he didn’t have the heart to harshly reprimand her after all.

"I apologize, captain. I didn’t want to be a burden to my squamates. I felt that I needed to step up and I let my own feelings get in the way of following your orders. I’m sorry."

Over a month had gone by since her accident. Petra had fully regained her ability to perform day to day tasks as an individual and as a soldier. She still daydreamed about Levi’s kiss and tender touch, though with her restored consciousness she resumed her more formal and respectful behavior toward him. Levi, however, grew more and more fond of Petra with each interaction they had. He was disgusted by his own thirst. The two had romantic encounters every day since her time in the infirmary up until their intimate evening together. It caught him by surprise, but he missed this. He felt deprived. He needed her and was having an increasingly difficult time keeping his hands to himself. Petra had tried to tell him on several occasions that her memory had been restored, but every time he looked into her eyes, she could feel herself falling apart. She longed for his touch, but knew she couldn't make another move on him.

Levi caught Petra alone in the barracks hallway one night. He stepped close to her and ran his hand along her shoulder. "Oh no... You can't let this go on anymore. Just tell him you coward!" she scolded. Petra turned her head and stepped back.

"Uh, hi captain. I was just heading to bed. I'm so tired I can barely see straight."

He looked at her, a bit regretful for what he’d just done.

"...right then. Sleep well."

She scurried back to her room. Propped against her bedroom door, her heart raced and thumped. "That... that was such an opportunity. Why can't I just tell him!?" She lied atop her bed, thinking of their first kiss, and their last. "Haha... I thought Levi and Hanji were an item... I really was delusional." Petra drew a deep breath attempting to calm herself.

A gentle knock came from the door of Levi's office.

“Come in.” 

Petra stepped inside. 

"I thought you were going to bed."

“Um, captain... do you have a moment to spend with me before I turn in for the evening? I couldn't fall asleep yet.”

"What is it?"

She froze. “Ok, just tell him and apologize profusely...”

“Captain, I... I have to apologize to you. The things I've done recently, they weren't right... I just.”

The familiar look of melancholic yearning was written all of her face. 

"Petra..."

Levi took advantage of this moment. He walked towards her and pushed his body against hers. Abruptly pressing his palms to the wall, Petra was right where he wanted her. He mashed his lips against hers. Petra's knees trembled as she indulged in his kiss. Her heart felt like it would leap out of her chest. It was their true first kiss, and now he didn’t know it. Levi coyly bit her bottom lip with one hand on her hip. He pulled back so their faces were nearly touching and looked her right in her doe-like eyes.

“How can you be so sure this is what you want from me when you know so little about who I am?”

She began to quiver. "I... because...” She took a deep breath to gather herself. Concentrating and completely driven by her passion, she confessed to him: “Because Levi, I could see that you cared from the moment I woke up. Because I could feel our connection right away! Because you have helped me through this horrible nightmare... And because, being around you... I just know it's right." She gazed deeply into his serious, up-turned eyes.

“But you don’t know anything about our past or your own.”

“...what is it that you want of me? What am I to you, Levi?”

He sighed and looked downward. “... If your memories returned, Petra, could you promise me your feelings wouldn’t change?” 

“What? Yes, Levi! I can! I swear to you. There's nothing that could happen to change the way I feel about you. It's not something that can just stop.” 

“Alright then...” He pulled away from her to take her hands in his. The intensity of his eyes left her paralyzed. 

“Petra, I have to tell you something...but let's go to your room. My office isn't the place to have this conversation." 

"Oh, of course... sorry."

They sat side by side on the edge of her bed together. They both were shaken, Petra visibly and Levi only internally. 

"After your injury I waited by your bedside because I care about you. You are right about that. You’ve always been loyal to me and I owed you the same.” 

He could feel the hand of fate squeezing his heart. “I was hoping you would remember everything on your own so I wouldn’t have to tell you this myself... We were never lovers before your amnesia. I didn’t want to make things any harder on you by telling you this.”

She looked at him with understanding and warmth.

“I would say to you that I’m sorry Petra, but I’m not... I’m glad it happened. Day after day we train; we fight; we take hits. We chase after answers and hope for peace we may never have. This is what we have dedicated our lives to and we never question our priorities. But you've shown me there are still other things we desire. Things we can't ignore and that we deserve to experience.”

“Captain..." Her delicate hands held on to his as if for dear life. 

Her eyes welled up "Levi... thank you for everything you’ve done for me,” tears ran down her face. “I should apologize to you too.”

Levi looked at her softly.

She bit her bottom lip as she explained “During the last expedition when that titan nearly killed me, it was like my life flashed before my eyes. Everything... it just hit me... I just, I didn’t know how to tell you afterwards. I'm ashamed to have been so troublesome...”

He was speechless.

“I know there is no taking back our vow as soldiers and that's not what I want. But please, Levi... there’s a reason why our connection is something I didn't forget.”

They were lost in each others' eyes, taken by the intensity of their moment together. 

“I have to tell you, Levi...” 

He looked at her as if to say he felt the same. He put his hands against the velvety skin on her neck and pulled her in for a deep, passionate kiss. Petra put her shaking hands in his ebony tresses. With his fingertips, he turned her face upwards towards him.

"Captain... I have wanted to say for a very long time... It wasn't a choice I made, but through out our time together my dedication has grown beyond that of a soldier to her captain. I want to dedicate myself to you as a woman. For you to welcome my feelings, well it never even crossed my mind that I would be worthy. I dreamed there may be a day we could have something more between us, but even if that never happened, just being by your side was enough for me.”

"Levi...what I'm trying to say is that...” 

“...”

“is that... I love you."

"... you love me?" 

"Yes, Levi. I have for so long... Please, will you take me as your lover? Our passion, our moments of intimacy, it’s all happened for a reason don’t you think?" 

He looked into her eyes, as if to examine her mind and his own. His shriveled bitter heart, could it possibly be revived? What did it mean to be lovers? She showed him affection. She made him feel valued not as humanity's strongest warrior, but as a man. She treated him like a human being with her fumbling politeness and altruism. In times of his anger and distress, she was never afraid to approach him. He didn't think love was a possibility, but this kind woman proved him wrong.

"Petra..."

His cobalt blue eyes looked into hers. 

"If you understand that there will be times I cannot act as your lover, but always remember that I do love you-" He grabbed her hands. "Then I'll never let you go."

She cried softly, "Yes, I- of course Levi!" 

He held Petra tightly lying next to her as she continued quietly weeping. He stoked her hair and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead.

She thought to herself "The time may never come, but I hope that one day I really will be your wife."

"My sweet Levi..." she said once more before the gratified lovers fell asleep wrapped in each others' arms, nestled beneath silky white sheets in her warm, soft bed.

Fin


End file.
